Our 35 year class reunion was a refreshing affair, met many old friends from 35 years ago. The batch who were celebrating their 40th year reunion was also there. We have a special affiliation for this batch because these were our ‘Lords and Masters, Senior Doctor Sirs, Fagmasters’. It was great to see them still sprightly and spirited. I spotted My Lord and Master doing a Salsa on the stage with his beautiful wife. Then there was another Senior Doctor Sir doing an energetic belly dance. This took me 30 years back to Men’s Hostel, 17th of July 1978 to be precise when we took our first tentative steps into the ‘Mansion of the Gods’ and the resident ‘Gods’ took it upon themselves to convert us into Godlike material through acts of initiation which were anything but Godly.
Evening entertainment provided by the ‘Pseudo Priapistic Catmites’ was a well awaited affair and preparation and planning were of the essence. The planning went on in the Lords and Masters rooms with us sitting on the floor as mute spectators, listening to our seniors planning our fate. There were of course immediate seniors who would also join in the machinations and contribute their mite. I was along with another class mate of mine, our Lords and Masters were neighbours hence we were initiated together. No ideas for anything entertaining was forthcoming, one of the immediate seniors asked my classmate which school he studied? He proudly replied “St. Peters, Panchgani, Senior Doctor Sir!” What was your school song? Was the next question. He sang it out for them,
“Bells are ringing!
Bells are ringing!
We must hasten to their call….”
Somewhere in the song the word ‘penetrate’ came, and that was like a Eureka moment for the seniors. The song was then rewritten and now went like this,
“Balls are clanging!
Balls are clanging!
Right upto the bogs and shagging,
We must hasten to their call,
render arses when in need,
penetrate the art of laying……. ”
The choreography was also planned, my classmate had to wear a tie and school blazer, hold two cricket balls tied with a string. And before beginning the song allow the balls to clang together accompanied by his own Tanndd! Tanndd!
Then it was my turn. The night before was the interclass music competition and a certain girl from the batch of 73 had sung the Hindi number “Aaj ki raat, yeh kaise raat, ki humko neend nahin aati….”. The girl was very attractive and had a characteristic way of swaying her hips while singing, I spotted her in the reunion this and she looks the same. This became the basis for my entertainment. I had to fashion a saree with two of my bed sheets pinned together length wise, for lipstick red marker pen was used! Yuck! Those were simpler times and who thought about toxicity. I was supposed to go on the stage sing the song while swaying my hips ‘___ madari’. Then at end of the song I am to announce, “I am ___ with a difference” and then dramatically lift the saree. Under the saree would be a bamboo and two cricket balls suspended from the waist.
So with the preparations completed we gathered outside the lower common room where a make shift stage had been made awaiting our turn. Our other class mates were also assembled there with varying attire varying from bra and panties, trophies from the raids of Women’s Hostel to a pink bow tied on the hair.
While awaiting our turn we could witness some of the other entertainment.
In those days there used to be a popular animated ad for red ‘lal’ eveready battery. It featured an animated radio walking and singing “kabhi kabhi mere dil aata…” then suddenly his voice would stop. Another radio would come and advice him to use ‘lal eveready’. Inspired on that theme one of my classmates enters the stage singing the same song and he stops. Then enters another classmate and says “Sir your voice is a eff up!” to which the first one replies, “yes I think I got the wrong thing stuck up.” To which the second one reaches to his back orifice and produces a ‘lal eveready’ and says “use lal eveready.” The first one takes it from him and pretends to use it as a suppository also giving a satisfied aaah exclamation. Then both of them leave the stage singing with arms around each other.
Next came three, one stood tall and thin covered by a sheet and wearing a helmet. The other two crouched on either side also covered by sheets. “I am ___ ‘s dick and this is my right ball and this is my left ball” declared the tall and thin one. “And we are going to show you how it’s done” declared the dick. Then all three of them began jumping in unison. “How is the weather up there?” asked the right ball. “Hot and humid replied the dick.”
As you can imagine there was a riot of laughter making our acts insipid in comparison.
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